Try something new, every day!

I've decided to take a new turn. To get off the beaten path. Turn away from the fast track. To touch, see, smell, taste, and do things I've never experienced before. And I've decided to document it. One new thing a day, to experience and reflect on, for the next 365 days. Or maybe longer :) For now I think a difinitive goal will serve as a motivator.

That's it! Try something new, every day, and take the time out to talk about it.

I'm expecting that this modest goal, with loose restrictions, will allow my eyes to open wider than they ever have before. I think we, as a people, are so blinded by the mundane everyday responsibilities and patterns of behavior that we literally miss out on the amazing things/people/foods/events we could be easily be participating in!

So, we'll see how it goes.

I want to thank all of the amazingly creative people I've met over the past year for contributing to this new inspiration. <3

Cheers to day 1!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Eternal Cake" - Berkeley

Reflections

Good afternoon!!! Life has brought about quite a few amazing experiences lately. Little things, small occurences, minute details. People and information coming into view, sharing time, opening my eyes. I have an overwhelming sense of calm like I haven't felt in a very long time.

Sonny is still in Europe, until mid July. Being away from him for this long has been hard, but has also been, and continues to be, a pleasant walk down a path of self discovery and reflection for me. It's been years since I've been away from the person I love for any amount of time close to this, and this is the first time we've been without communication on a regular basis. Every few days or so he'll get to write me a few lines in an email...and wow, how I look forward to even that! I think it sort of forces you to really consider everything typed out to be important, and positive, and full of as much love as can be jammed into those tiny black letters on the screen. His words, his encouragement, and even his ramblings about how much fun they're all having, is total motivation for me. Why can't I live every day of my life to the absolute fullest? Why can't I chase my dreams, big and small? Why can't I be absolutely true to myself and openly cherish the people and things around me that make life worth living?

The answer is I CAN! And so should everyone else! I'm taking this mindset and running with it!!

Some of the people and things that mean so much to me right now:

Jenn and Scotty. These are two of my closest friends. They live an absolutely magical life that is full of love, laughter, and utter simplicity, in the smallest apartment I've ever been in. The size of their wonderful abode however, is no match for Jenn's fierce desire to have it be constantly filled with amazing friends, fresh homecooked meals, and thundering motion and dancing! The very definition of heart on your sleeve, they'd both drop everything in an instant if a friend was ever in need.


My lovely Katie...oh what I owe this lady! The first to welcome me with open arms to Oakland, and to take the time to tuck me under her wing and make sure I met all the amazing people that now fill my life. Another golden soul, I can count on Katie for anything...and I mean literally anything. She's also with a dude that is in a pretty successful touring band, and has been invaluable in teaching me how to hold on to the spirit of who I am during the tough times alone. Love her.


I've only just started this book, and already I can tell it will be one that makes a lasting impression on me. The author's struggles with ending relationships, depression, spirituality, and self image are already resonating deeply with me. Not to mention her writing style is incredibly fun and engaging! More thoughts on life's many quests of self discovery as I get deeper into this story...

I recently took part in a day-long training course written by The Arbinger Institute, which is entirely focused on helping individuals and groups to resolve conflicts within themselves and within interactions between individuals. They believe that conflict arises from a person's inability to view those around them as people, rather, they are viewing anyone that causes distress or disagreement as an object to be removed or broken, as a means to a selfish end, or as completely irrelevant to their life. The day was long and intense and brought up a lot of very strong emotions for me, as I applied the concepts to areas of my life where I'd consistently been blocking people out and deceiving my better intentions as a means of self-preservation. I took a lot from what I learned, and can literally already see small differences in the way I'm viewing those around me....all totally positive.

As well as getting rid of a lot of figurative baggage lately, I've also been trying to keep busy by parting with a lot of literal baggage. Life is so, so not about the accumulations of things, and I was beginning to get really bogged down walking past the same "stuff" piles everyday. Long put-off plans of living lighter are now coming much easier...and are actually pretty enjoyable...more to come on that a bit later.

For now, tell someone you love them today, and take a minute to thoroughly enjoy something simple :)

Breanna who?

I've learned a lot in the past few months. Quite a lot. There is more to this world than I'll ever be able to digest....but I've got my appetite back.

Motivation is a funny thing for me, as its something I desperately want, yet is all too often held just out of my grasp by the other things going on in my head.

The cycle is swinging back toward "get something done" time. I'm in. This blog will have a proper re-birth soon.

Truth

I'm hoping this post will act as a cathartic venting piece for me.

I've been in Oakland for about a month now. Moved up here right at the same time as the shelter was moving into its brand new facility, I'd just gotten a big promotion, and Barrett and I were deciding to end our 4 year relationship.

Needless to say I had a breakdown.



As mentioned in previous posts, I'm very cognizant that I've cycled through ridiculous depression, anxiety, and self destructive periods of time in my life. I can't turn it off when it starts happening. Most of my life I didn't realize it was out of the ordinary. I didn't see a future and didn't want to. I never got help.

All of that, all ten years or more, everything thats gone on in the past few weeks..came to a head a few days ago.

After three really scary days, I finally made the step to help myself.
I called and set up my first counseling appointment, for tomorrow.

This will be hard...but things can only get better from here....

its not all what it seems

I've been thinking about a lot of things. Things I have known but have been forced to push to the back of my mind....
To set the mood...take a look at these peaceful flowers I found outside of Barrett's work....a pleasing little buffer planted for people in their cars driving by to not have to stare at the giant parking lot.



Don't get me wrong, I like flowers....but I understand urban planning.

Now how bout some other things that act as live advertisements for the "American dream" lifestyle. Distractions.
Alcohol ads. Living the "good life". Partying. Getting away from anything having any responsibility attached to it. Getting Laid. Objectifying people. Letting us know that all our hard work in dead end jobs deserves another cold brain numbing pacifying bottle. Fuck, its natural..even the animals love beer.





Or...how about diamonds. One of the most destructive status symbols. The mining for diamonds looks like this.


Is this something we really need? Can you even imagine how much heavy machinery and explosives were used here. How much oil it took to power those machines. How dangerous it is to the workers. How many indigenous animals were driven from their homes. All in the name of having people stare at you..boosting your ego because you think you are better than them. Hurting theirs and contributing to the mindset that we are not equal, those with the biggest pieces of flashy jewelry win.
If I were ever given a diamond, I'd take it as an insult.

What about making everything "disposable" and "ready-made"? We cannot be bothered to wash something and use it again. And who's got the time to actually cook a meal? We are constantly being told that in the name of sanitary hygienic life that we must only use something once, then simply throw it away...out of sight, out of mind. Forget about the landfills poisoning water tables, air, wildlife..

Many of the disposable products are non-recyclable, non-renewable, cheap to produce, and ultimately do not break down for hundreds or thousands of years. Some of the worst offenders:


and let's not forget about everything we can recycle..but don't. it's not that hard, just put it into the bin NEXT TO the bin you throw everything else in.

Why do we think its OK to throw anything away at all? Where do we think it all goes?Why do we as a society think somebody else will take care of it. Why are we so above it all...